Lavender Rain

I really love being able to stay home to raise my baby, but I still don’t know what I’m going to do when I go back to school and work. People here expect you to go back to work after having a baby. The question people ask new moms is, “When are you going back to work?” Why do people assume that right after giving birth you are ready to go back to work? You are dealing with something big here, something life altering. From the emotional stresses to feeling incompetent, and worrying if you’re doing something wrong. I know any new mom can just go back to work after taking maternity leave and they have the option of hiring people to watch their child. But the idea of having somebody else watching my kid is scary to me. I just don’t want just anyone watching my baby. I don’t trust others and besides I might miss something. I don’t mind leaving her with family for a few hours, but I really don’t like the idea of getting a nanny or taking her to a daycare center, especially if I’m working full-time. I don’t like daycare centers, because the kids don’t get the undivided attention that they need, but at the same time your child will develop social skills as they learn to interact with other kids. But I also don’t like nannies or live-in caregivers, because I just don’t trust them! You don’t know who they are and you don’t know how they’ll be around your kid. Just the idea of having a stranger alone with my kid is frightening. Or am I just being paranoid and overprotective?

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Summer is finally here. But today didn’t look it. It was and is so gloomy outside all day. Not sure if it’s still raining right now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it still is. I was hoping that I’d get to go out today, but I didn’t feel like it with this kind of weather. Zoe is sleeping now, so time to play some WoW! yeah I’m such a geek. She is already 4 months old. I still gotta call to book for her 7-month check-up. I gotta do that tomorrow.

Oh yes, speaking of summer — that means it’s the arrival of nasty bugs. And that reminds me — I did something somewhat stupid yesterday and felt really bad for doing it. Here’s what happened: I was sitting on the couch with Zoe on my lap as I was watching TV. I then felt something crawling on my left arm and when I was what it was, I screamed. It was a black ant. So of course my loud scream scared the crap out of Zoe. I never heard her cry like that before. She looked horrified. I sat her upright on the couch and the ant somehow got on her dress, so I frantically wiped it off of her. When I finally managed to calm her down, all I could say was, “Sorry…” I felt horrible for scaring my baby like that.

Yes. I got scared of a teeny weeny ant. I really dislike bugs. And I really wish they would stop raiding the house. We really need an exterminator, there must be an ant hill somewhere in the backyard.

This is one thing I hate about summer. The ants, the mosquitoes, the wasps, the spiders, etc. I don’t mind that it’s hot, because I can just stay inside all day if I want to.

Random Interesting fact: Yesterday was officially the first day of summer.

I started out as a paper scrapper in summer 2006, even took classes for it and got addicted to it. I think every time I got my paycheque, I’d head straight to Scrap-a-Lot to shop for more supplies and tools. I loved this hobby, but it’s very expensive. I spent hundreds of dollars on my still incomplete scrapbook. And then in October 2006, I discovered the wonderful world of The Sims 2. So a month after that, I created my first Sims 2 series, Vanity High.

Anyway, back to present time… Digital Scrapbooking is definitely something that’s new to me. There are pros and cons though. I like how you can just press undo whenever you make a mistake, but in paper scrapping, covering up your mistakes is not that simple. Also, in digital scrapbooking, buying your supplies and tools is a lot cheaper. You can get a really cheap software or a really expensive software depending on how much you’re willing to spend. I really love the convenience of Digital Scrapbooking, that I’m even considering buying a third hard drive just to store all my scrapbook projects (that is, if Josh lets me… ). My second hard drive is actually for storing my Sims 2 movie projects. But in my opinion, nothing beats paper scrapping — I feel more accomplished every time I finish one page from paper scrapping and I love the 3D effect. I’ll eventually want a new graphics card though. *hint*hint*

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So I finally decided to work on a new digital scrapbook page. I realized today that I haven’t actually made a scrapbook page after Zoe was born. This page was way overdue. I really forgot about it. I want to find time to scrapbook again. But I put away all my tools in the basement so I’m sorta stuck with digital scrapbooking. Oh wells… I’ll try to make another page this week.

She can still feel him even when he’s far away… They used to be close, but they drifted apart. Yet even if they’re apart, she still feels him. His thoughts, his warmth, his smile. She can still feel that inner happiness they shared when they were together, even when he’s far away. The laughter they shared together. The tears. And those moments they spent all day together. She knew it would be hard losing him, but how could she ever face him again after all she’s done? She believed it was best to get out of his life completely, but deep down it isn’t what she wants… She still thinks about him everyday and it gets painful every time… she’ll probably think about him for the rest of her life.